Well things have been a bit crazy for us the past few weeks. What Christmas joy we had, it appeared to be stripped away with every text message and phone call. Things have a way of changing stuff like that though, wakes us up and allows us to see what is really important and what we can just store away in our memory and not fret over. I almost allowed someone to dictate what I write on this website. I even edited an entry to appease certain people. After doing that, and after experiencing the last 4 days, I have really thought about it and decided I will no longer allow others to dictate what we post on our website. One thing I have promised everyone when we first started this, when we first began sharing our journey with others, is that we would be real, we would share it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. I do not want to give a false impression that life is perfect and living as we do has no stressful situation or problems you have to face and deal with. So I will not allow others to tell me what needs to be on our website. I do not share this and write this for them. I share our journey with the people who love us, for friends we have met along the way, for the family members we love and adore, for OUR grandkids to have something to look back on when we are long gone and remember, see and learn about everything we went through along this journey…the good and the bad. I feel I would be falling into the same category as the ones who desire to dictate, living a façade and pretending that life is perfect when sometimes it just is not so perfect. So what is written here is REAL, it is real from our perspective, from our experience, from our feelings and thoughts and although it may not be pretty at times and it may not be what others are feeling, it is US and it is REAL. With that being said…
We have had some stress in our life lately. Everyone knows that family can either drag you down or build you up at times of stress. There is no secret in that. What you have to do is just go with the flow, hope the bad things pass and concentrate on the good things and good thoughts, trying to let the bad ones die along the way. We have had some stress in the family lately. In our closest family, we are facing Tim losing his job at Waupaca in just a few days. He has no other job lined up yet, there are no other jobs around here. Everyone is banking on the Volkswagen plant opening, everyone meaning 65,000 people who have filled out an application. Tim is ONE…one out of 65,000 for only about 3,000 or so jobs. So there is the stress there of having two children who require intense healthcare who will be losing their insurance in no time, house payments, car payment, insurance, loans payments, gas and food….with no clue where the money will come from in just two days. That does not make for a cheerful Christmas. All of the kids have been sick as well. It has gotten to the point of co-pays on existing insurance has become just too much to pay.
Chris’ job is starting to slow down as well. He will be out in a few weeks, with the other few thousand men in the county that are jobless, and try to find a new job. Thankfully, we do not have small children we have to doctor and feed (although OUR grandkids are very close to us and we will do our best to not allow them to do without their basic needs…as any grandparent would do). We do have bills though and those do not get paid without money. This year hurt us financially. Yes we “won” the legal battle, but that win cost us more in legal fees than what we got from the settlement, much more. So we are no different than the majority of people in this world right now, we do out best to get by. Things got a bit worse for us when our dear Cletus died. It was unexpected and has really bothered us both. It may seem like nothing to most people, but in our home there is me and Chris, our next important family member at our home was Cletus. Burying him when we least expected to do so was heartbreaking. Thankfully our daughters and grandkids understood and were very supportive. Don and Johnny were so sweet about it and have helped as well, with everything really by just being our friends. We are fortunate to have them and we are grateful for them every day. They have never caused us a moments stress and have been out pillars of strength and support through everything we faced this year.
Amanda is doing well, but being a single mother in today’s time is not an easy task. She works all the time and Perrin is in pre-school. He is doing great, other than picking up every illness that travels through the school each week. We were fortunate to have Chris available the firs 4 years of his life. Not only did he fill the void of Perrin’s Father being absent, he gave him more care and love than any day care could have accomplished. He nurtured him into becoming a beautiful little boy that loves his Papaw, has the sweetest personality, is funny, independent and adorable. With the care given by Chris and Amanda, Perrin was never sick the first 4 years of his life. Now that he is being exposed to the stuff at the school, he seems to be picking it all up and making up for the last 4 years. Chris still tries to be available as needed to keep him. It is hard enough for a single mother to try to make it, much less if she has to be out of work every time her child has a fever, so luckily we all have a fantastic man in our life who loves his grandson and loves us enough to take care of him when it is needed.
I have noticeably used caps when I have said OUR grandkids and made mention of Chris and his grandchildren in this post. I have done this for a reason and will not pretend it was not intentional. We have recently had some undue stress from Chris’ family lately. It appears his lifestyle choice is not approved of by many people in his family. I cannot wait for some of you hard working farm folks to read this, but it appears that people who stay home and raise children, take care of a farm, cut wood, haul water, feed animals, process food, plow gardens, work them and put up the food for winter, build homes, buildings, root cellars, saw wood, haul wood, chop wood, build fires, clean house, fix things, do laundry, wash dishes, mow yards, gather eggs, water chickens, clear land, and all of the other million things that have to be done when one lives this lifestyle…well….you are all lazy and pretty much worthless. If you do not have a 9-5 job making at least minimum wage, you are worthless, you are lazy. It matters not if you work from 4am to midnight on a farm, all you people who choose to raise your children without a day care, you are lazy and worthless. At least that is what some people think of you. I have to add here that….we do not live this lifestyle because we are poor or stupid or cannot afford electricity or modern things. We chose this and live this because it is what makes us happy. We wanted to try it, see if we liked it, if not we could always go back. We liked it….we LOVED it. Not because we are poor and stupid….but because it gives us comfort and so much peace, it brings us happiness.
History: Chris came to Tennessee to be with me, we fell in love and decided to be happy and try a life together. Things were perfect for us form the beginning. He sold his house in Michigan and moved in with me in a little trailer. I have been lucky in recent years. I went to college and initially had a job as an Interpretive Specialist for the Forest Service. Due to budget cuts, my job was at risk. I too was a single mother and could not wait for Washington to decide if my job was important enough to keep. I knew I may have to get education in a different field if I changed careers, so I began looking immediately. I was fortunate to find a job with developmentally disabled adults. This job was prefect for what I needed. I started at the bottom and am now near the top. I have great benefits and the job pays well enough to take care of my needs. When Chris moved down here, his intention was to go to work right away and we were going to split the bills. Perrin had not been born and his Father skipped out of the picture before he was born. Shortly after he was born, Amanda had to go back to work. There is no assistance for child care in this area. I was making it fine on my pay and we asked Chris to hold off on getting a job and to please keep Perrin for us. Thankfully, after some persuasion, he agreed to do so. He had no children at the time and had never taken care of a baby, but was willing to try. Perrin said “Papaw” before he said my name. The two were just close from the beginning. Chris pretty much took care of him every day but most weekends since he was born. When Amanda changed to a better job, he had Perrin 12-14 hours a day, sometimes even more. Amanda paid him what she could, but that was not important. What was important was…I had a job to sustain us, Amanda needed a job for her and her son, We needed Chris to be there for Perrin and especially when we chose the lifestyle we have chosen, at least one of us needed to be home or there would be no way to accomplish what makes us happy. There was no way to take care of everything on the farm AFTER we both had worked 12 or more hours at a job all day. Chris staying home was for the best, it took the stress off of me, because everything was pretty much done when I got home of an evening. It helped the family out by providing a positive male role model for Perrin and probably the best babysitter we could have ever hoped for. It worked for us. I often wonder is it had been ME staying home, taking care of the grandson, taking care of everything at the farm, while Chris worked, would there have been a problem? My family and all of our friends here have no problem with our arrangement and have never had an issue with it. It just seemed like the right thing to do. The ONLY dent in our happiness has been some members of Chris’ family. I don’t think his brothers have any issue, they know Chris is happy and that is supposed to be one of the most important things in life anyway. But man has his mother, especially her husband and at least one of her sisters, think it is horribly ridiculous and have even insinuated to him that his not working a 9-5 job means he is lazy and worthless….oh and unhappy. He is wasting himself.
This has been a struggle for a long time, but mostly since we made the decision to live without electricity. Apparently, living without electricity makes you lazy, nasty, worthless, stupid oh and…. The post office will not deliver a package to you because you live without electricity out in the country. It don’t matter that you have a mail box and you get mail every day, the mailman leaves notes for you in the box when you have a package and passes by your home every day but Sunday and holidays. Some people actually believe that when you are a backwoods stupid hillbilly without electricity, you don’t get mail delivered to you. So basically, many members of Chris’ family think that he is somewhat less of a human being and not a valued family member, because he has made this lifestyle choice. His happiness is obviously not a factor as well.
We could let most of that run off our backs because obviously there are some issues there that go way beyond Chris finding happiness. There was something else that was brought up recently that made his blood boil and actually forced me to bite my tongue to the point of injury. Chris made mention of his “grandson”, Perrin and was quickly informed that he has no children and no grandchildren and needs to stop pretending like he has. Anyone who KNOWS Chris and has ever bothered to see him with Perrin, see how much Perrin loves him and the fact that to Perrin….he is PAPAW….and he is closer to him than even his biological grandfather…well you would not have any doubt that Chris indeed has grandchildren. No they may not be his biological grandchildren, but try explaining that to a 4 year old boy that thinks his Papaw hung the moon. The comment brings to light another issue, Chris has been accepted into a family here, with no problems and no questions ask. He is a well loved family member who has 3 grandchildren who have adored him for almost 5 years now. We see the relationships through love and acceptance so we don’t take time to sit back and ridicule and judge blood lines. For someone in a family, that claims to love you, to allow those words “you have no grandchildren” to come out of their mouth, is just cold hearted and uncaring.
With those words came a whirlwind of activity and emotion. Chris’ grandmother was sent to Florida to spend the Winter with his mother. Upon arriving, she was ill. She had a fall in the bathroom and ended up at the emergency room. Eventually, she ended up in ICU. Chris is very close to his grandmother and loves her unconditionally and so very much. After hearing how his family really thinks about him and the fact they will never accept his grandchildren as truly part of the family, then finding out his grandmother was in critical condition, we had to make the decision as to how to get him to see her. I am the type of person, when someone insinuates that they had to help us with anything…the first time it is thrown up to us, I am over them. I will never trust them again. You do not help people to throw it up to them and hold it over their heads forever. Chris’ mother’s husband is NOTORIOUS for this. His mother is only one step behind. So not long ago, I made the decision that never again in this life will I allow either of them or anyone else in the family who has chastised Chris for his lifestyle choice, to help us with anything. I have never done something for someone and then even mentioned it to them later, it makes them feel like crap and can destroy relationships, hurt feelings and it makes no sense to keep throwing things up to someone when they accepted help that THEY offered. So regardless, I will not accept anything from them again, not even a gift, because I do not want it to be misconstrued that they HAD to help us. When you make that decision to this extent, you cannot even accept kindness from the person, because you have no clue if they will come back in a week and throw that up in your face. So, we needed to get Chris to see his grandmother and after several phone calls and such, I had to make the decision on how we would do it.
His mother offered to fly him down. When he said it, I let it go in one ear and out the other. There was no way on the face of this Earth I would allow her to do that after what we have went through the few weeks prior with her and then that very day with one of her sisters. As she was planning things, I made two phone calls and within 10 minutes we were packing the car. We got it packed, fed all the animals, visited Don, stopped by Amanda’s for her GPS, filled the car in gas, stopped by my job to get some paperwork and my laptop and we were on the interstate heading to Florida. I drove all night. I had maybe 3-4 hours sleep the night before, but I was determined to get him to his Mam-maw. He called his brother and told him we were on our way. I seriously thought I would not make it but we pulled into his brother’s driveway at 6:20am Thursday morning. His brother and wife, Rick and Wendy, are sweeter than anyone ever deserves. They were so very kind to us and we love them both. That morning he took Chris to the hospital to see his Mam-maw and I got about an hours sleep in a spare room. I wanted to see her as well, but I knew running into his mother would cause more problems than not, after everything that has transpired. So I stayed at the house and rested. His grandmother was super thrilled to see him. He was the first one from out of town to get down there to see her. It did them both a world of good. She was in ICU and visitation was limited.
I decided on the way down it would not be fair to Rick and Wendy to stay at their home when there had been so much strife between us and his mother and one of the aunts. We did not want them to feel like they had to worry about them coming over while we were there or all that mess. They were very kind to us and I did not want our unexpected trip to cause them more stress. I decided a motel was better for us. That way I could get my work done form the office, we could nap as we wanted, chill out, vent to each other as needed and hopefully cause as little stress as possible for Rick and Wendy. Although to be honest, I would have loved to stay there. They have a sweet 15 year old daughter, an adorable dog that helped me not miss SadieMae so badly, the house was just beautiful and they are both so nice to be around and spend time with. But, it was best we get a motel. So we got one, the River Side Inn in New Port Richey. NEVER….as in never ever….stay there. Everything seemed very nice until 2am when a drug deal went bad across from us, people screaming, fighting, slamming doors, squealing tires and such. I called the front desk to complain. The police were called, apparently for the second time that night. Then they let the police know who called the front desk and they came over in front of the drug dealers and questioned us….so yeah….there was no way I was leaving my car out there to be destroyed by drug dealers all night. So around 3am we had to pack up and the police suggested another motel closer to the hospital for us. The Quality Inn….much nicer, a bit more expensive…but we slept perfectly wonderful and it was not far from the hospital. I dropped Chris off there Friday morning and went back to the other motel to get my money back. I was not about to let them keep my money when we had to leave at no fault of our own. They had no intention of giving it back to me. I intentionally went without Chris in case I needed to raise a little bit of hillbilly hell with them. I eventually reminded them that since they would not give me my money back, I officially had a room until 11am. I was going to make myself comfortable in the lobby, read a magazine and every time someone walked in to rent a room, I would get up, ask for my money and explain why I wanted it back…right in front of the other people. I got a magazine, made myself comfy in a chair and waited. Someone walked in and I got up to walk to the desk and he handed me my money back. Mission Accomplished!
It rained all day Friday. Nothing like being in Florida near the beach….in the rain! LOL But the main focus was Chris spending time with his grandmother, so things were no so very bad. I stayed at the motel all day Friday, got my work done, rested mostly. Chris visited his Mam-maw on and off. He kept telling me everyone wanted to go out for dinner. His aunts had arrived and a cousin. I wanted him to get to spend time with his cousin because he never gets to see her and I really do like his aunt Karen. I think she is very sweet. I felt it was too much of an uncomfortable situation for everyone if I went. I was fully prepared to make a sandwich at the motel and encourage Chris to go out with the family, using the excuse for work or something, but I was spared when Rick and Wendy offered for us to go out. We all met at the hospital and they would not let anyone into ICU to see her, so we left and met at Hooters. We had a good meal and a good time there. Afterwards we went to their house and played this game, I think it is called a Wi or Wii or something (I am clueless on those things). I am also technically challenged and stuff like that is above me. But I had a great time watching them play and then I broke down and did the bowling. It was fun and I am glad we went. We got back to the motel late and I finished up some work and went to bed. Saturday was busy. I wanted to stay another night but I am glad now that I did not, I could not have driven back in one day and I had to be back at work today. We got up and got everything packed in the car and headed over to the hospital.
His Mam-maw was moved from ICU to a regular room. It was nice because he could see her anytime he wanted and all he wanted. We made it over there before anyone else, so he got to spend some quality time alone with her. They talked for a long time, she laughed several times, she wanted to make sure everyone was treating both of us good and we put on a smile and pretended everything was perfect and there was not a problem in the world. Things like that don’t need to be on her mind and Chris stated from day one that he refused to discuss any issues in front of his grandmother. Any attempts that were made, he blew them off and made sure it was dropped. So it was good for him not to have that stress and be able to spend that time with her. We left, went by the beach to grab some sand for Lakota and headed to Rick and Wendy’s house. Saturday was nice, the weather was cool for that area, but it was beautiful. We picked up the cousin from the hospital and headed to Tampa. We dropped her off at the airport and my goodness what a town Tampa is! I have panic attacks around big buildings, airplanes flying over your car on a busy interstate, bridges over large bodies of water….and I got to experience it all in Tampa! It was terrifyingly exciting and I enjoyed every minute of it. They took us to a Park, and I for the life of me cannot remember the name of it. It was beautiful! We took this long walkway along a lake and looked for alligators. We finally saw a small one on a log, lots of beautiful and interesting birds. It was so peaceful and I just loved the place. We went to another area in the Park and looked for more alligators. Boy did we find one! It was HUGE, there were birds and turtles and even a wild iguana. I got pics of some of them and will post them. We left there and went to another Park where Rick and Wendy got married. It was so pretty as well. I am so glad we got to see those areas. We then went to Tarpon Springs to the Spongedocks. We had a good time for sure. We ate at a Greek Restaurant called Hellas and it was delicious. I ate things that I cannot pronounce and have no clue what they were. If in doubt, get the sampler platter and share it! LOL We shopped for the family, got the grandkids some things and the daughters some things. It was so nice and so gracious of Rick and Wendy to entertain us for the day. We got back to their house in the evening. Chris’ mother wanted us to come over, but again, I made the right decision to avoid the drama. I stayed at their home and laid down with their dog for an hour while Chris went over with Wendy and Rick. He got back at 7, we got things in the car, said our goodbye’s and went to the hospital. Through the entire trip I only had to bite my tongue once to the point of tasting blood. I got to see Karen and that was nice, she was very sweet as always. Poor thing looks so tired and was planning to head back to North Carolina Sunday. We took his Mam-maw a custard Danish we got in Tarpon Springs, but I am sure it ended up in the trash. LOL Chris fulfilled the family orders prior to getting within 10 feet from his Mam-maw and then got to spend time with her. I wish he had gotten to have a few minutes alone with her, just five minutes before we had to head back to Tennessee, but that was not possible. He got to tell her goodbye though and then she made me cry, just like that morning when we had stopped by. She surely does love her grandson and hearing him talk about his grandson makes her smile. She misses Chris but at least she does know and accept that he is happy and that living like we do is not necessarily a bad thing….it is a choice that we love.
We got on the Interstate at 8pm and headed north. I got to Gainesville and realized that sadly…I was not going to be able to drive all night. The trip was exhausting and I was getting over some health issues. I was tired and very sleepy. I could have pushed myself and risk the chance of killing us both in a car crash, but why risk that? I promised Lakota and Perrin that we WOULD be back home, they both asked for that reassurance when we left. We had to make it home. So when we hit Lake City, I told Chris to get the travel book and find a decent priced motel in Valdosta Georgia. We ended up at a Quality Inn at midnight. The man gave us a discount rate and we were asleep by 1am. We had breakfast (Chris got a waffle stuck in the waffle iron and made a huge mess in the kitchen.) (had to throw that in lol). We got going around 9, stopped at a Peach Orchard that ended up being further off the interstate than I desired, but it was nice. We sampled foods, bought grapefruits, had lunch at a soup bar and got back on the road. We then headed off the interstate again to locate a Gone With The Wind museum. Mainly because Amanda loves Gone With The Wind and I was hoping to get a good look at it to see if it would be wroth taking her to some day. After driving 5 miles off the interstate, we discovered it was closed. LOL So we got back on the road and all the peach tea and peach lemonade we drank at the orchard was running through us and we ended up stopping to pee every rest area. LOL I was glad to get to Atlanta, but not when I saw the traffic. 8 lanes of traffic on my side of the road…8 lanes….back to back traffic going 80 miles an hour. I was so glad when we got past Marietta and it went back down to 3 lanes. I was even happier to see the sign welcoming me to Tennessee. Our Home! We stopped by Amanda’s, because I had to see at least one of the grandkids before I got home. I called Lakota and talked to her, gave Perrin his glitter globe with an alligator in it, got lots of hugs and headed home to our babies. Sadie was practically in shock when she saw us. Shannon took Lakota over every day to take care of the animals. She did a very good job. It was good to be home, so good. Chris got a fire going, we got things out of the car, we loved on the animals, rested and went to bed. Sadie slept with us, along with Cutie and Azrael. I wanted to stay in bed this morning and be with the people and things that I love, that love me.
I am glad we could make it down for him to see his Mam-maw. It was important for both of them. Chris has been wanting to see her for awhile now and things just kept coming up. We certainly were not planning to take a trip to Florida right now, but we pretty much had to. I could not let him be in a situation where something may happen to someone that he loves so much, and him not have a chance to go see her. The trip was tiring, stressful at times, but well worth it. Plus we got to have a day of fun with Rick and Wendy. They are adorable and I was glad to get to see them again. They were so very kind to us in many ways, dropping everything and changing plans to accommodate us at the last minute. I’ll have to work on repaying them some way. I got to avoid lots of stressful situations while we were there and it was nice to be able to just stand up and make the decision to avoid such things so that Chris could have a less stressful time with his Mam-maw. I wish things were not as they are with some members of his family, but I suppose things like that happen and cannot be helped. I don’t understand why, despite his happiness in being in Tennessee, being with me and loving and being love by my family, having the grandkids to love and spoil, being at peace and content with our home and life….why do they insist he is not happy, has no family here and is worthless? They have no clue, they do not see all he does, he has worked up in Tellico for months now up to 16 hours a day, clearing land, hauling trees by himself, building decks and moving concrete blocks, working on wolf pens and they dare to say he does not work and is lazy. I get so frustrated, I get so upset about it. My number one priority is his happiness. I love him so very much and he is a good man. It is a shame it takes someone other than his immediately family to see and recognize something like that. They should be proud of who and what he is. So I try to bite my tongue, I try to keep it in, I let him know they are wrong, I defend him and always will. My family may not be good enough for them, we may live in backwoods Tennessee and we may not have much in their eyes, but we have much more than they ever will have. Let them decorate a tree with nothing to put underneath it, but still be able to make a cup of cocoa afterwards and sit down by the wood heater in chairs beside each other, one weaving, one knitting, silent, a pot of hot stew on the wood stove, the dog laying in front of us content, smile at each other and find love and contentment and peace in what others see as nothing.
So I edited a post I made the other day about the frustrations we have had with some of his family members. I made an attempt to appease them out of respect for his grandmother and for Chris. Then I thought about it. When I cover up things, when I delete things and pretend they never happened, when I avoid talking about things just because it is not some happy, shiny post of how perfect our life is at the Broken House….I am allowing them to control me, my actions and force me to become one of them….pretending to be happy, living a façade, acting like there are no problems….and there are. I don’t like feeling fake. I won’t put on a fake smile in real life and pretend it is all good because I hate that feeling. And…I will not do it on this website either. Life is not always perfect and we all have issues we have to deal with, even family members that feel you are not good enough for them, but I won’t hide it and won’t allow people to make me hide it out of embarrassment for themselves and how they acted. If they are so proud of how they treat Chris, then reading it in words should not bother them. We are who we are, we live how we desire to live, we don’t ask them to live with us or even come to see us. If they do, that is great, we will keep them warm, offer them what food we have, pack a box of extra food for them to take home with them, give them a place to sleep and treat them as family should be treated. It may not be fancy and as perfect as their life and world seem to be, but it will be real…that is all we can offer. If it is not good enough, we offer no apologies, because we do our best.
Now on with our life here. I am caught up at work for now. Tomorrow we have our Christmas Party for the clients. We HOPEFULLY will get to leave early. We are not Christmas Shopping this year. We are not going to waste money on things that people do not need. I am asking people not to get us anything as well, so we do not feel like we owe them anything in return, because we cannot give anything in return. I want to spend time on Christmas Eve with our family, the daughters and grandkids. We are going to have a get together at Amanda’s home. Christmas Day they will all go to their Daddy’s in Georgia and me and Chris will share Christmas together at home with the animals. We have been invited to a friend’s home, but not sure we will go. We plan to visit Don and Johnny as well. We will go see our friend Joanna, who has been so good to us and a good friend. We are going to enjoy most of all spending time with each other without dealing with a bunch of needless stress.
I will post some pictures of Florida when I get a chance and also make another post before Christmas. I hope everyone out there is doing well. I hope you are not allowing the stress of the holiday to make you feel bad, don’t feel like you have to go waste a bunch of money on gifts to make people happy, what they really only need is some quality time with you and to feel loved. After all….love is the greatest gift you can give to anyone…family or not.
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